I moved out of home!

So after 29 years, 10 months and 18 days, I have finally moved out of home! It was emotionally difficult for me - mainly because I could sense that my parents didn't want me to leave. In the weeks leading up to it, I could feel their sadness and I didn't know what to do. 

On one side, I would love to stay home and look after them because my brother decided to nick off (that's another story), so it was just me who had to sort out my parents. On the other hand, it was getting too much for me to breathe and I couldn't be myself and I kept getting irritated. I could feel my parents 'stealing' energy from me/trying to get close to me and not only was it uncomfortable, I simply didn't have spare love to give them and with my energy so slow, I was often drained very quickly whenever I was in the house.

The hardest moment was slowly packing my things into boxes, knowing that this would be the last few moments at the house. I looked around the house and I started to miss it. My room didn't feel like it was mine anymore as there were 'gaps' of items missing. Mum was in the lounge room trying to keep herself occupied, but I knew reality was hitting her pretty badly. I told her I was leaving (but said I'd be back tomorrow to pick up a few things to soften the blow), and she seemed ok about it - even though I could tell in her eyes that she was quite upset. I did my best not to blame them or make them look like they were the ones who were causing me to move. Dad made a last ditch attempt at delaying me by removing my car light globe and telling me to wait until the next morning to replace it. However, I knew I was getting out of the house that night. Stopping myself from leaving would only add to more frustration.

When I arrived at my new place, I didn't quite know what to do. I found it really difficult to unpack my things. Reality hit me and I kept thinking about my parents and how they must be feeling. As I opened the boxes to unpack my clothes, I could feel my old houses' energy in them and I didn't want to open it. I felt really sad opening them up. Even though I literally packed them about an hour ago, it felt like a long time had passed and I was opening up an old treasure chest. I still remember the sound of the packaging tape being pulled off the roll.

All I can do right now is look after my feelings and really 'hug' myself. I can feel my heart crying, so I'm going to do my best and comfort it as much as I can. I only have myself now - no boyfriend, no parents, no housemate (she's out for the night) and no friends (no one was available to help me at the last minute). It's just me on a solo mission with no distractions. I feel like I'm saying goodbye to my parent's love and leaving them to sort out their own issues, but I know that I have to heal myself before I can heal others and I trust the process of life.

Ok, I better goto sleep now. I've been eating a tiny kid sized box of sultanas (yes, I took that from my parent's house) while writing this and it is all getting a bit much.

Peace to all!

Kenny

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