Wow i can't believe it's been 16 months since my last post. I've moved into my own apartment now and I've been here for over a year. I'm enjoying the space. It's allowed me to feel independent.
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So what have I been doing all this time?

I've dabbled in a few entrepreneur projects, (wanted to have an online business so that I can pursue acting) but depression got the better of me and it felt really scary doing it all by myself. Whenever I hit a wall, no one is there to help and I didn't really believe in my projects as I felt they were all lies.

Gave up on the massage business because my apartment is a little too small for that and I didn't feel comfortable letting strangers in my place and having them see my entire place. It made me feel very vulnerable and I didn't have any protection. It doesn't look professional. I also gave up on the singing teaching business as well for the same reason. I really need a proper place to teach and don't feel comfortable doing it in my own home.

Basically I'm sick of doing little bits and pieces kind of work.

I want something that is stable and reliable so that I can do acting on top of that. When your whole life is unstable, I become mentally unstable and I fall in a dark hole. I want something that is ALWAYS there. It needs to be a job that I love and am happy doing it if acting doesn't work out.

Last month I flew up to Brisbane to see what it would be like to 'live' there. I'm sick of Melbourne. the cold weather, my parents (get depressed if I spend more than 20 mins near them), sick of all the gay boys as well. Everyone I meet seems to have massive issues. My rent is about to go up from $320 to $400 and there's no way I can afford that. I'd have to work 4 days at the pharmacy and that will probably be the end of my life.

The thought of being a Physio kind of excites me. I've already got a place at uni so I'm considering taking the offer next year. That will mean I'll be there for 4 years but it might be fun. It would be easier to make friends there without all the baggage of Melbourne.

Ultimately, I would love to live in America. I've applied for the green card visa for the past 7 years but never get it (although I know people who have gotten it). Going to america to find a boyfriend and marrying him probably isn't going to work. Applying for an entertainment visa won't work either unless I'm already famous here. Applying for a work visa won't work either as I will need a sponsor and have to work a day job. Basically, all the doors are closed and so it's time to let go of that dream now. It's made me a little bitter about the whole thing, especially when it was the only thing that made me happy but being a physio ain't too bad I suppose.

So in other news..... I auditioned for a commercial worth $12,000 but didn't get the role. Had to learn cantonese in that one too! Submitted a video audition for a short film shot in Sydney but didn't get it either. I'm still working as an actor, but my priorities has definitely shifted a lot. I'm learning how to look after myself now which isn't a bad thing.

Hey everyone, 

Last month I did a little video for Brisbane Airport. I felt really lucky to get this role as the producers were kind enough to fly me up to Brisbane from Melbourne. These sorts of things never usually happen and I was so surprised they picked me over all the other actors in Brisbane.

I had to quickly brush up on my Chinese (we could say that it was rather challenging learning all the airport terminology) but I somehow pulled it off, and also got a chance to take a mini holiday in Brisbane!

I was lucky to work with Mr Sean Kennedy - he used to be a presenter/producer for one of my childhood TV shows, Totally Wild. I also got some really good life advice from him too :)

Going to brisbane made me realise that I love acting and this is the right profession that suits me. I was going to throw it all away and study Physiotherapy and help athletes with their injuries, but acting is a skill that I have and it would be a shame not to share it with the world.

In other news, this week I've managed to audition for another TV commercial and just got emailed to audition for a feature film. I can't believe all this is happening. I don't even have an agent but I think life is really looking after me right now, so thank you.

I got promoted to a manager position at AFL which also never happens in my past 10 years of work life so something is definitely happening! Tonight I'll be heading to the gym for the first time in over 3 years as I've decided that I've neglected my body for long enough and I'm going to do something about it!

I completely terrorised my inner child with fear this week and as a result, I got sick. Sickness usually occurs when I'm too scared to deal with my issues, so I hide behind illness. Here's what I discovered:

• Got an email from my real estate agent asking me if I want to renew the lease for another year. I kind of like living here but I'm sure I might be able to find better places, but that depends on the location, housemate, lifestyle etc. it all got a bit too much thinking about it and DIED
• Put up a youtube video this week but only got 6 likes. I felt like my career was over and I'll never be popular or make it in the industry. I DIED
• Decided to give up on my music and acting career to become a physiotherapist. I want my boyfriend to be stable and don't think I could ever date an actor/musician which means that I need to become stable myself in order to attract this. However, this meant letting go of my childhood dreams of becoming an actor/singer and therefore I DIED
• Came across a studio for rent for me to do massages, but I don't even have customers so how can I afford to rent a separate room for it? but if I don't rent a room, there's no way I can do it from my house unless I move out? oh it was too hard so I DIED
  

moving house, self esteem issues, career changes are HUGE steps and it just so happened to hit me all at once so therefore "I now forgive myself for scaring myself. All is well in my world and everything is working out perfectly".

Amen to that :)

Yep, that's right.... I turned 30 two weeks ago!
I went to see Ed Sheeran and a YouTube convention to celebrate it! I made my dream come true....to be out of my parent's house and living independently by 30!

I'm really glad I'm getting involved with what I love - YouTube and singer-songwriters....and ginger boys ;)

I had an audition today for a mini-series for the ABC. Things are going pretty well! I'm still doing my medical acting (workload has increased this year) as well as enjoying my freedom! I love being alive!

I feel at peace with myself and have found myself hating less things and simply accepting things as they are. A sign of maturity perhaps?